What would it be like to live free? What does that even mean?
To me, it would mean building a world where I could spend my days in the cultivation and nourishment of love. It would mean becoming one with the earth below and the sky above, the rains and fires, the forests and oceans. It would mean to swim and climb and laugh and play — to be human with others on this Eden built for us — no purpose but our highest experience of living.
I choose to pursue this kingdom of the heart, if only inside myself, but also with intentions to manifest it here on earth. To find what that means with others and plant seeds for its growth in the future. To raise my child in a way where their fate is destined to overcome limitations of a false world built to enslave. To not only to be free inside, but to create freedom in the world around me.
My heart is full when I think on this, when I pursue this in spirit. So, I will, and so it will be.
I feel freedom most clearly when I connect to myself on a distant shore in this future. A place I’ve known for the love I feel when I go there. For the reflections of others I feel around me in that place. I let myself go there to bring its graces into my present.
Watch me now…
Watch me be free in the face of those who would see me fighting for my very right to exist with dignity. Watch me let them fight themselves while I pursue my bliss, and leave them to argue with their shadow about my right to thrive as I already am. This world of deception plays with us like children. I will not take part, even when the hateful masses make it ‘about’ me. They can never take my soul, my heart, my pride in who I am. Pride is only a sin to those who live in fear and would project it onto others. Their fear is not welcome inside my heart.
Mountains call me with their steadiness, their strength and breadth, such fortitude for unhindered existence. It inspires me. It makes me question why I live so in the wind. Why I flow so in the waters. Why I don’t find seed in the earth. Why I don’t just let go and be free in myself and the love I feel when connected to spirit.
Nothing else matters as much as our own heart’s connection to the love of our great mother. To empower our feed to and from source, to widen the bandwidth at which we receive its love, can be a painful opening. It can break us and make us do stupid things. Still, we must each find our own way to receive this light.
My heart leads me to find this solace of healing within the arms of another. It leads me to find one in which to share the love I’ve found anew in this special time of rebirth and renewed youth. Yet, the universe around me has refused to offer the solution I’ve long sought. Instead, it’s ever consistent with the lesson I must find it in myself, for myself. To do this, to love myself with all of the overflowing sense of heart I have within, I must turn to who I really am. The limited being I’ve so long perceived myself to be cannot hold it all. In fact, they’ve long struggled under its weight.
We are more than ourselves. There is a one, before a dozen, before their legions, before the multitudes of souls beyond — all inside of us — all apart of the very structure of this beautiful and terrifying kaleidoscope we live within.
So, we grow. We learn. We fight. We become what we’re meant to be through the fires and the fears. Singed and fraught, much to learn, we move on. Yet, it’s together we build practically towards a better world.
There’s a soul in the land which waits for us to listen. A voice in the wind. A touch to the trees. Feeling in the streams. All urging us back into each other’s arms.
We must tell our stories together — find our people and hold them close. Becoming at last the people who deserve to know the secrets we have to tell, growing into beings who can decode their own heart’s wisdom and create the greatest love.
Before we go, we make a dent, we turn a tide, we push for change. We don’t have to see it all come into being to know the work will be done. All our efforts, our sufferings, our beautiful imaginations, and our loves count for more than we know. Our offerings to the universe are profound, however it is we strive.
Be free and true to my heart — that is my call.
My heart hurts for the world around it, for the people within it, for the poor wounded being I always thought I was. Yet, to listen. To at once hear. To know the truth. Is to be free in the fact you don’t need to do a thing. Everything’s done. You’re only watching yourself doing it, learning why you’ve chosen the way you did, and discovering what there is to learn from that.
We are driven whether we see it or not. Our own spirits walk within us.
Be the spirit within you and all will be yours — said the brokenhearted girl who barely loved herself.
